My interview on the Dark Room

One of the last interviews I did was for a podcast called the Dark Room, hosted by Paul Salvatori and Jordan Randall. You can hear the interview here. It’s quite long, and I really appreciated how respectful and pleasant Paul and Jordan were.

6 thoughts on “My interview on the Dark Room

  1. Hi Todd,
    I’m a spanish girl so please excuse me for my poor english.
    After reading some of your posts, I feel the need to tell you this: I think you are a beautiful soul who deserves to be loved. You’re just as broken and flawed as everybody is in one way or another, and of course that does not make you a monster. I don’t pity you because you strike me as such an strong human being who has been brave enough to dig inside himself and aknowledge and take control of what could be harmful for others. I don’t pity you but I feel a deep and true compassion towards your suffering.
    So, I just wanted to say that. You are sensitive and intelligent, and you deserve to be loved.



    1. Hi Marina! Sorry it took so long to get back to you. I’ve been away from my computer for the most part. I appreciate your response. Thank you so much! Also, your English is certainly way better than my Spanish, so don’t worry about that.


  2. Hi Todd,
    I am a student at Widener University and I was wondering if you would be available for me to interview for a class assignment regarding minor attraction. I would be happy to provide you will more details before you commit, if you prefer. I am not sure how to discretely exchange contact info, I am not on FB, but use @thickandtwisted for other social media & (twitter, IG) if you would like to DM me.


  3. I’ve read your blood heard you on interviews and listened. The details of your life experience are harrowing (the abuse you suffered) but frankly I don’t get your desire to inflict the same abuse on children. I don’t trust people like you who claim to be normal in the desires to take children (I say rape as children are incapable of consent). I don’t get why you don’t get this. Yet you point the finger of judgement at people. I see this as the pot calling the kettle black. You claim to love children but your “live” involves sexual acts. I don’t get why you get yourself help.


    1. Thanks for the reply, Matteo. I apologize for taking so long to get back to you. Truth is, I got a little burned out on the blog for awhile, but I’m back full force now, at least for awhile.

      First off, my abuse was actually not that harrowing. I was touched, that was it. I was not traumatized by it at the time it happened, only confused. It was not painful or even shameful, at least not initially. I know society expects me to say that it was the most horrible thing ever, but the truth is, it wasn’t. It is what it is and I have no reason to lie about this.

      That said, it doesn’t beggar belief to see that my fantasies are not about rape at all, but are rather more in line with my own personal experience: gentle, not painful or frightening. Of course, I also recognize that my experience may have been unusual, and that in most cases the sexual contact is considerably more traumatic. From everything I’ve read, I believe this is so. And this is why I respect the laws and mores surrounding this issue: the available science suggests it would cause harm even if I was gentle and did only what the child allowed.

      But again, fantasy is not beholden to the rules of logic, is it? I can (and often do) fantasize about girls with magical powers, or extreme intelligence and psychological development who is nevertheless in the body of a child. Why, then, must my fantasies necessarily include rape and trauma? This is a societal bias: that we must be fantasizing out-and-out child rape. That is far from the case with most of us. You can accept that or not, but it is the truth.

      Finally, I’m not sure where you get the idea that my life involves ‘sexual acts’. I don’t have sex with real kids at all, nor do I consume child porn. The only sexual acts in my life are solo ventures, as it were, revolving around my fantasies. It harms no one.


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