My name is Todd E. Nickerson and I am a journalist and a celibate/non-offending pedophile. I wrote a couple of articles for Salon about myself and my favorite forum, Virtuous Pedophiles, and now I have a blog to expand on the issues I wrote about in the articles. I am a freelance artist and graphic designer, as well as an author of fiction (nothing published yet!) and nonfiction. I was born without my right hand. I love art, movies, books, science, philosophy, cooking and daydreaming. I live in West Tennessee.
Not A Monster 
Hi, thanks for sharing your insight. I think that having frank, open and honest discussion is desperately needed to break the cycle of sexual abuse. We need to change some of the beliefs that people hold about sexual abuse and pedophiles. I don’t want any one abused by anyone in any way shape or form. I agree that we need to teach pedophiles and victims of abuse that the label doesn’t guarantee that a person will abuse others. I think we also need to teach people stop focusing on what you don’t want and focus on what you do want. If you are afraid you might abuse some one focus then on being a non abuser. What would that look like? How would you act? What would your relationships be like?
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Hi, Deb! I completely agree with your point about focusing on the right things. The problem is that young people who are just realizing their sexual attraction to children are constantly bombarded with the message that they are a danger and it’s only a matter of time before they sexually abuse a child. This message can then become self-fulfilling prophecy because young pedophiles internalize that message and believe it. This is one of the main reasons I am doing what I’m doing. I want to spread the message far and wide that just because you have this sexuality does not mean you must act on it. That narrative is wrongheaded and dangerous and it needs to be challenged at every turn. Thanks for your comment!
P.S. I see that you meant to post one message and probably submitted the first part accidentally, so I took the liberty of merging your replies into a single comment. I hope you don’t mind.
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Hi Todd, hope this finds you well. I am a theatre-maker and performer from UK and am currently writing a play about a young man who discovers he is sexually attracted to young children. Your blog has been super insightful into the world of virtuous paedophiles. I think your writing is extremely open and I am glad it is available for people who may be feeling isolated and in need of help and guidance. I would very much like to ask you a few things if its possible to chat via email? Many thanks!
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Thank you, Tamsin! I’m glad you like it. And your project sounds interesting. Let me know how it goes! By all means, email me. I look forward to hearing from you.
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Hey there, I heard your interview on dublintalks this morning and just wondering if you have an email or if you could turn your DM’s on on twitter so that I could privately message you? I just followed you there, my handle is
m yperhusic 🙂
(P.s just so you know they’re dumbos on dublintalks..)
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Hey, yeah, you can email me at starkroth@yahoo.com. You can also follow me on Twitter at @ToddNickerson1 – thanks!
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I live in country were dangerous to be openly pedophile, and I very happy to read you story in Salon. Can I you support anonymously? Do you have Bitcoin address? Then put it on About page. Thanks.
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Hi! Thank you very much for your support! I do not have a Bitcoin address. If you want to send a donation, I can set one up. Is it free? Thanks again!
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Hi Todd! I am writing a journalistic piece for one of my classes about how pedophilia relates to HIPAA and first amendment rights. I was wondering if you could please give me your thoughts on that? Thank you!
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Amy, sorry my response is so late. I confess I don’t check this blog as frequently as I used to. If you are still interested, you can email me at starkroth@yahoo.com. My apologies again.
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Dear Mr Nickerson,
I was very moved by your interviews and would like to thank you for raising awareness regarding the difference between pedophilia and child molesters. I feel like I was still unable to understand the true difference between the two and admire your bravery putting your face out there and making your situation known. I feel truly sorry that you have to live with this as you have chosen to do the right thing while is inspirational in itself. I hope that many other people will be humbled and let go of their preconceived notions of tarring and demonising those who have not done anything actively to deserve this.
I just wanted to reach out and show support for you and to thank you for not acting on your impulse as I was molested as a 9 year old in the street near my home. I wish you all the best and hope that you continue to garner support for those in your situation who do not act on impulses they never asked for and cannot change.
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Hello, lovelushlashes, thank you for your reply and your supportive words! Take a minute and read the reply I gave to ‘D’ on this same page because it applies here too. Additionally, I’m sorry you were sexually abused. Obviously no child deserves that. You know what’s interesting? The fiercest supporters of virpeds often are the abuse survivors. I think it’s because they really and truly get it. Anyway, thanks again.
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Todd,
I applaud you for having the courage to stand up and ‘face your music’ I like to say. As you have received I am sure a wave, or torrent really, of negative feedback, I wanted to take the time to write you some positive. As long as you are not offending, you are perfectly within the law to have any emotions you desire. It’s a cruel world, hopefully this message makes it a little less, even if it’s only in our imaginations.
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Hi, D! Thank you so much for the supportive words! As I often point out, I get a lot of negative public backlash, but I also got a lot of private support. I think most people actually get it and want to be supportive, but they are afraid of the guilt-by-association tag and the horrendous hostility in the current environment, which is understandable. It’s not their fight. Nevertheless, I appreciate all of the support I get, public or private. Thanks again!
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Hi Todd! I randomly saw a video on you on my YouTube feed today and felt so compelled to write to you. Like you said in the video, you are in the most hated group of people in America. I have said for as long as I can remember, and even got my friends thinking differently about the subject, to understand pedophiles just like we understand gay people. I am 24, female and in a relationship with a female. I’m a normal, productive member of society. I just critically think instead of blind hatred and judgement. So many times I’ve thought, gay people can’t control who they’re attracted to. We’re just born with it! Men can’t control what gives them an erection. Sexual orientation is natural, it’s how you’re born, you cannot choose it. So what makes pedophiles any different. I’m sure you’d rather not be this way, it would be a much easier life if you weren’t! The key is not acting on it, which is why I felt the need to write to you. I have always said- I don’t blindly hate the pedophiles who obey the laws & don’t act on their urges.because you’re going through the same thing all gay people go through. I just wanted to say, keep doing what you’re doing and I’m sorry there are so many people out there that don’t have the logic to understand certain things. -Amanda
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Hi, Amanda! Sorry for the late response. I haven’t checked in on the blog for awhile. Thank you very much for your comment. I always appreciate people who get it voicing their opinion, because so many people are afraid to. So thanks again!
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Hello Todd,
I have seen you from the barcroft tv documentary and I am quite perplexed about you. Hence I’m very much compelled to write to you and I hope you would answer my inquiries and also please excuse my English as I’m not a native speaker.
Firstly I want to know what happens when a pedophile succeeds to be in a relationship with a child and the child eventually grows up? By the definition of pedophilia the attraction would be lost and what happens then? By extension can pedophilia be really considered as a sexual orientation if it has an expiration date? It looks to be more of a sick sexual preference.
Secondly, you said wrote something about 15% of child porn being produced by lawfully, children themselves. And you said investigators were often surprised that children seemed to enjoy it. I want to ask then what is your definition of children? You stated that pedophilia is attraction towards individuals 12 or below but I’d say that those child porn pictures are of children 12 or above, so how does your quoted example make sense?
Thirdly, what do you think of the pedophile based tourism in Brazil or some African or South American countries, also South-east Asia? Do you have any insight into these realities? I personally have seen it and it’s chilling to observe European men looking at children at the dark corners of streets.
Fourth, you aim to lessen discrimination against pedophiles. This is very offensive, sorry: do you think it is correct to do so? Perhaps I’m twisted but I believe a healthy dose of discrimination should be attached to pedophiles since they may pose a threat. People should be aware.
Fifth, are you concerned that pedophilia would become normalised? I am. Once upon a time I saw this man on YouTube who said that in Thailand the age of consent should be lowered to 3 and that children are able minded to consent. It’s scary to think that adults would think that as most adults are easily manipulated so children should even be more vulnerable. Also that man stalked my liked videos so he really creeped me out.
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Hello, Carly. Thank you for your reply. To your questions:
Okay, your question reveals a misunderstanding about the nature not only of pedophilia but also of sexual orientations in general. What you’re suggesting is that pedophilia is by nature an age-sensitive sexuality, but age is actually irrelevant. Pedophilia, at base, is simply a sexual attraction to prepubescent children. It is an attraction based on a life stage, which is limited. But I have to ask you, does your sexual attractions have no limitations? Does it cover the entire age range of those you’re attracted to? I’m going to go out on a limb here and say no. I’ll bet you’re not attracted to males or females (whichever it is) from the time they’re born until the time they die. Teleiophilic attraction also has a limitation–say, 16 to mid-40s for most people, I think. So, you see? Defining pedophilia strictly as a chronophilia is false, since technically most people’s sexuality has a similar limitation.
As for what would happen if a pedophile engaged in a relationship with a child and the child eventually aged out of their preference, the short answer is, it depends on the pedophile. Not all pedophiles are exclusive; some are also attracted to adults. It’s also very possible that if a pedophile falls in love with a child, the issue becomes moot as the pedophile becomes attracted to the person rather than merely their physical traits, just as often happens when young adults stay together to the point where they no longer find each other physically attractive. That would be an ideal situation though, and obviously there are a LOT of problems that can and do arise in such a relationship, especially once the child is old enough to realize they likely were being manipulated by the adult. There’s a great film on HBO right now that addresses this very issue called ‘The Tale’. Well worth watching if you get the chance.
Sometimes in these discussions these sorts of vagaries can arise. Technically, pedophilia is an attraction to prepubescent children, but my own attraction is not limited to prepubescence. I’m also attracted to teens somewhat–not as much as to younger children, but there is an attraction there. In the article you’re referencing, I’m defining kids the same way the law does: as anyone under 18. And yes, most of the time we’re talking about teens here, though not always. And most of those cases do not involve sexual intercourse–mostly just exhibitionism and masturbation, which younger kids do sometimes engage in. Thus, we’re talking about cases where no adults are even involved on the front end of production, but the law still treats it as production of child pornography. The government makes no distinction with respect to the age of the producer, and that is highly problematic, wouldn’t you agree?
Point blank, I think it’s wrong. Sadly, those children may not be able to survive any other way, which is a travesty in itself. If governments like those in Thailand and Brazil want to end child prostitution and sex tourism, they need to provide a better support network for the poorest among them, but sadly, they likely won’t for some time. Which means child prostitution will continue to be a big problem in those countries.
Let’s be clear: I aim to lessen discrimination against non-offending, anti-contact pedophiles like myself. Your argument that all pedophiles pose a risk is based on misinformation and emotion, not on facts. Do the research. The great majority of sexual abuse (60 to 80%) is not even committed by pedophiles but by situational offenders and has nothing to do with attraction. Moreover, treating all pedophiles as inherently dangerous is like treating all heterosexual men (or all gay men for that matter) as potential rapists: it’s discriminatory and dangerous, and most importantly, it fosters an environment in which pedophiles who are struggling with their attractions are afraid to seek help if they need it and pushes them further underground, cutting off their social support network and causing them a lot of stress/distress, which are all factors that contribute to possible offending. Add to that the fact that when society treats offending and non-offending pedophiles essentially the same way, there is little incentive for pedophiles to behave. All of which means that the environment of hostility towards pedophiles increases the possibility of them offending rather than decreasing it. Look up Labeling Theory. I think it applies here.
To answer your final question, I think firstly that the concept of “normalization” is much too vague to have any real meaning. If by this you mean do I believe that the growing acceptance of on-offending pedophiles will create an atmosphere where people are more accepting of sexual abuse, then no. Quite the opposite, in fact. I think most people can understand that accepting the reality that pedophiles have an attraction they didn’t choose and many of us have no intention or desire to act upon is quite different from accepting full-blown sexual abuse of children. I realize these concepts are new to people and will take a while for many of them to digest, but here’s the thing you need to remember: whether pedophilia as sexual orientation is accepted or not, that is not going to change the number of people who have it and have to deal with it. I would much rather have an environment where those people are able t talk to someone, whether friends, family members or mental health experts, about their attractions and build a support network that keeps them out of trouble if they are inclined to offend than an environment that pushes them underground and just hopes they go away and deal with the problem on their own. I think any reasonable person, once they’ve examined all the facts and set aside their gut reactions, would come to this conclusion.
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Hi Todd, excellent Blog you have here! Please get in contact with me on VP asap.
Cheers 🙂
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Thanks!
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Check out my interview on MAP issues (and my science fiction series) in First Comics News: https://www.firstcomicsnews.com/weird-adventures-the-daniel-rumanos-files/
Though we disagree on some points (I am a pro-contact pedohebephile Girl-Lover and believe that children can give consent), I would be very interested in your comments and wish you the best always!
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Hi Todd!
I’m a swedish sociology student, planning to do a study of how non-offending pedophiles write about their sexuality, how they deal with stigma, and other things of relevance that I might find, in blogs in particular. I would like to use your blog as one of my sources, and therefore am wondering if this is something you consent to.
I really think that it is incredible and valuable that you and others with similar blogs write about your thoughts and experiences, and would be happy to be able to boost the signal if I can, contributing to a more nuanced and less stigmatized idea of what it means to be a pedophile.
If you feel like this is something you would be willing to consent to, please reply back and I can give you some more details.
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Absolutely. You have my permission to use whatever you need from this blog.
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Hi I was wondering when you first publicly came out with your article addressing your sexual orientation if you still have it? I’m a college student and I’ve been doing a literature review on pedophiles and how it’s more of a uncontrolled sexual orientation. It has made me very curious and I want to get a point of view from someone who deals openly with pedophilia however finding your original article is proven hard to find. I want to do this to address all the emotions that people with pedophilia feel and the depression and complex feelings . I don’t mean any criticism by any means. I just want to get a point of view and you have been the most open person about it .Thank you
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Hi, Lauren. Sorry for the extremely belated reply. I don’t check this blog very often these days, I confess. Anyway, I outed myself in stages. It was not one big reveal to the world, which some people believe to be the case as they were previously unaware of me. I essentially outed myself on a website owned by a guy who was at the time the most prominent “out” member of the MAP community, at least with respect to girl attraction or “girl love” (abbreviated GL), Lindsay Ashford. That would’ve been somewhere in the vicinity of 2005/2006, not long after I joined the GL community. Not too long after that the vigilante group Perverted Justice showed up and claimed credit for outing me on their Wikisposure project [now defunct] but I was actually already out to the world at that point, just in a low-key way since I was only officially out in the GL community, which very few people outside of that community visited or was even aware of.
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Hi Todd,
My name is Autumn Berend, I’m a journalist currently based in Portland, OR. I’m writing a book on pedophilia and I wanted to speak with you to get your point of view, your history, overall your story. The book is actually more nuanced than what people think. It explores pedophilia, the potential causes, how to “cure” it, per see. I advocate for helping, not shaming people who are pedophiles and supporting outlets like V-Ped.
If you are still active on here, please, please reach out to me. I think you and I would get along well and you would help solidify my book for publication by providing your take on the whole situation, culture, and how society treats people like yourself.
You can reach me at my cell at (503) 559-1866 or by email at autumn.berend@gmail.com. I will also frequent here to check for your reply if you ever get the chance to see this comment.
Thank you.
Sincerely,
Autumn Berend
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Autumn, hi! Sorry, I don’t check up on this blog very much any more. I’ll email you tout suite!
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Hello Mr. Nickerson,
I am a professor of journalism and mass media at the university of Idaho, working on a documentary about NAMBLA. I would like to conduct an interview with you gain the perspective of a virtuous pedophile. If you are based out of San Francisco or nearby we would arrange for an inperson interview, however if you are further away we would do over zoom. Let me know if you are interested and I can fill you in on more details about the project.
Cheers,
Ohm Phanphiroj
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Hello Ohm. Dang, I haven’t checked my blogs in ages. You sent this way back in November. I am so sorry about getting back so late with you. If you still want to interview me, please shoot me an email at starkroth@yahoo.com and we’ll hash out the logistics.
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